i never could have imagined how life changing, perspective altering, and absolutely gratifying the experience of parenting has been. and these past four months of dedicated and focused time on our family and on chase, have been some of the best months, times and moments ever. i've been contemplating this day for quite some time now (it really started to hit me that i had to go back to work at the two month mark, when i realized i was counting down the days of my leave vs. counting up). i've shed many tears, i've been pretty emotional over the last few weeks, and i'm still not sure how it's all going to work out.
i've heard some people make a very easy transition back, because they were ready to return to "life" and work. i've heard others have cried for weeks trying to reconcile work as a requirement and the anguish of having to leave your little one each and every day. i have fallen into the latter category... though not surprising, the degree to which i am feeling the emotions is very surprising. i don't know. i guess i didn't realize it would change me THIS much.
but my boss has been extremely understanding up to this point, trying to reassure me that the hours and workload are realistic and workable. i have my reservations, but we're going to give it a go. most days before, i wouldn't get home until 7:30/8pm. but that's certainly not acceptable anymore. so we've agreed that i will be in the office from roughly 8:30a-5:15/5:30p, so i can be home by 6:30 or so. and if chase continues to go to sleep around 9p at least for a few more months, it'll allow me to have a couple of great hours with him in the evening in addition to the hour we get in the morning.
i pray for chase - that one day he understands why i have to go back to work, even though he has no clue now and i know he won't remember. i pray for p - that he have the strength to balance both childcare and running his own business. and i pray for gma fongo - that she have the patience to withstand his crying, the restraint not to spoil him too much, and the stamina to go the distance :).
there is a lot of love and support, and i am not the first or the last. but for me... it feels a little gut wrenching...
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5 comments:
I know that this is very hard; it is not something I have ever experienced, so I can't share that perspective with you. What I can share is that Paul and I will take care of Chase so that he is safe and feels love. We could never step into your shoes, but I believe we are great substitutes while you are gone!
Everyone will adjust, and while you are at work, we will help Chase to grow into the "little man" you want him to be!
Love YOU, Mom
your mom is right and wise! and i am trying not to cry right now. you can all do it - there is no alternative to how you all live your lives - that is with integrity and love. chase is lucky! let me know how it goes :)...
im praying for you sis!
I was teary eyed as I read your post. . I feel your anguish. You have to go with your gut. I know Chase will be loved and cherished with Paul and with Gma Fong. . .loads of love and continued prayers.
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